Live This Day #4 - With Purity
Message Description
Senior Pastor Dr. Kurt Bjorklund continues the message series entitled "Live This Day" looking at the book of 1 Thessalonians. God's design for human sexuality is for our good and for our good enjoyment in the best possible ways.
Message Transcript
Let's pray together. God, as we're gathered this weekend, I pray that you would speak into each of our lives. I ask that my words would reflect your word in content, tone, and in emphasis. And this weekend, especially, I ask that the words would be heard with both grace and conviction, and we pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.
So, one of the things that happens when you teach through books of the Bible like we typically do here, is that I don't really choose the topics. The topics are chosen by the order in the Bible. And so, I didn't sit around like a few months ago going, you know, on the last week of September, I think we'll do sexual purity. I didn't wake up this last week going this is what I want to talk about. But this was a topic that is in the text.
My guess is even just when you heard the Scripture read or maybe you heard the little disclaimer at the beginning of the service about this having a little more of a mature topic than a lot of weekends, that there are a lot of emotional reactions. Some of us have regret as soon as we just hear that word, because there are parts of our story that we wish were different. Some of us have pain, maybe because of choices we've made or pain because we feel trapped in something that we can't get out of, or we feel as if our spouse or somebody isn't with us. Some of us might just have disagreement where we say, this is part of what I don't like about the church is it's always talking about things we shouldn't do.
Well, as I mentioned, we've been working our way through a book. The book we've been working through is First Thessalonians. It’s a letter that the Apostle Paul wrote to the church at Thessalonica. What we have said is that this book is really about living this day in light of that day. That day being the day that Jesus comes because the dominant word, the dominant image in the book of First Thessalonians is this idea of the parousia. It's a Greek word that means the presence, the coming. And it had a had a connotation of a dignitary or a well-known kind of important person coming, and their presence being felt in a community. This is what the people were looking forward to.
In First Thessalonians Chapter four, what we see very simply is that he says this. Verse one says, “As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God. So, he says, now I want you to live in a way that's pleasing to God. Verse three says, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality.”
Now, I don't know how you hear the word sanctified. If you've been around church, maybe you're familiar with the word, maybe you've heard it. If you haven't been around church, it sounds like maybe an archaic word, but the word sanctified is just a word that means set apart. It's the same root word as the word holy. You heard us sing about that a little earlier here. The word holy shows up two different times in this text. Verse four says, “that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable.” So, holy sanctified. The same idea is in verse seven. It says this, “For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.”
The idea in First Thessalonians chapter four is that God is calling His people to live a set apart holy life in the culture and time in which they live, and that's a call that is still significant in our lives. He says that our call, God's will, is your sanctification, and it should happen in two distinct ways. First of all, in sexual purity, verses three through eight, and then in selfless love verses nine through twelve.
So, let's talk about sexual purity for a few moments. Now, when it says it's the will of God that you should be sanctified, that is, that you should avoid, then it says sexual impurity in the NIV, that's a word that the old King James translated fornication. It's the Greek word porneia. The word fornication connotes the idea of having sexual relations with someone before your spouse. And so, I think the NIV makes a doctrinal decision to say this word is actually broader. So even though it is well translated as fornication, it has a bigger meaning. So it is that, but it's more than that.
But just for a moment, before we move on from that idea, if sexual purity means that our sexual lives are reserved for the person that we make a covenant relationship within marriage, what that means is that when we are sexually active before marriage, we are not sexually pure. In fact, when you cohabitate according to some statistics, one in five cohabitation ends in marriage, meaning 80% of them end up not getting married. So, if you think, hey, I'm just going to live together and then we'll get married, there's an 80% chance that you won't actually get married. Most statistics say that you will enhance your chances of divorce if you live together before you're married. Women who have lived with more than one person before they're married are twice as likely to get divorced, according to statistics. In other words, if you want the fairy tale lifelong romance, God's plan is that you wait until you're married. Not that you say let me hang with a bunch of people and then hope that one of them works out. So, the idea of sexual purity is nothing before your spouse, nothing beyond your spouse, which seems fairly clear.
Then I would add just this phrase nothing by yourself. That may feel like you're saying, okay, you're kind of making light of this. But the idea here is that sexual purity is something that is shared. The idea is not so much, even though it's stated as a negative, that you would avoid sexual immorality. It's not so much that God's saying, no, stay away from stuff, which is so often how we see it, but it's saying no for a greater yes because sex, intimacy, and sexual relationships are God's idea. They're his design. It's his good design. It's his good gift when it's used properly.
And so, often what happens even in church context when people talk about it is they talk about it like it's to be avoided and not spoken of. But this is God's idea. And it's a good idea. It's a good gift. The idea of saying no for a greater yes is that if you're somebody who is single and you're saying, I just want to feel known and loved, is saying say no now for the greater yes because there's a chance that that young man who you think is going to be the one won't be the one, and you'll be hurt.
If you're in a marriage where you're feeling as if you're not being fulfilled, you're saying no to the stuff beyond your spouse in a way for a greater yes to pursue intimacy. If you're a person who's in a place where you're saying, you know, I've started down some paths on my own, and it doesn't seem to hurt anybody, so what's the harm? You're saying no for a greater yes. What we need to understand is that infidelity, sexual impurity, harms. This is the lesson of Proverbs chapter six. And actually, it's replete in Proverbs five and seven, the end of Chapter six. But in chapter six, it says this in verses 32 and 33. It says, “But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot,
and his shame will never be wiped away.”
I don't know if you saw this last week, and this is probably way down a hole if you're not familiar but there's always stories about people who have cheated. This last week, Dave Grohl, who's the lead singer of Foo Fighters, released a statement that just simply said something like this. He said, I fathered a child outside my marriage and I'm working to regain trust with my family. Then if you follow the trail just a little bit, you read that his adult children right now won't talk to him.
You see, infidelity, harms. It doesn't matter if you're a rock star or who you are, it always has a price. Pornography harms because what some people want to do is they want to use maybe a lack of sexuality that's happening in their home, in a marriage, as justification for something. But the truth of the matter is that pornography is something that actually keeps you from pursuing real relationships. One of the reasons that I believe a lot of young men are not interested in getting married until they're much older is because they're using virtual encounters to satisfy themselves so that they don't have to deal with real women. It ultimately is destructive to them in all kinds of ways.
According to one study about pornography, what we see is that 23% of men, this is the Pew Research Center, have had an affair at some point in their life. 42% of men, it says, have engaged in pornography within the last three months. And 97% of men, according to this survey, have engaged in some kind of pornography within the last three years. In other words, that is devastating to real relationships. And God's plan is not that that's the way that pornography would be used. In fact, Pope John Paul II said this. “The problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of a person, but that it shows too little of a person because it eliminates the person, and you don't need the person.
You see, in many ways, what pornography does is it harms because we are simply saying, I can take care of this all by myself. C.S. Lewis wrote this once. He said this. He said, “For me, the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which in lawful use leads the individual out of himself to complete and correct his own personality and that of another. And finally, in children and even grandchildren, and turns it back. It sends the man back into the prison of himself there to keep a harem of imaginary brides. And in this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival. Among these shadowy brides, he's always adored, always the perfect lover, no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification is ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely a medium through which he increasingly adores himself. I think C.S. Lewis completely identifies the problem with pornography or self-stimulation.
Now there is another issue in our day, and that is when people use abortion as birth control. In many ways it's the same outcome where they're saying, I can love whoever I want, use whoever I want with no thought of this being a baby and having to raise a baby with a person. Because if it doesn't work out, then I don't have to carry the baby to term. Again, God's design is to say I want this to happen in a marital union where kids are a blessing and where there's a sense of celebration of one another.
And so, pornography, fantasy harms. And it doesn't just harm us. We certainly see that, but it harms others. In fact, this is the point of the First Thessalonians chapter four, verse six. It says, “and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.” Now, the reason that it says this is because when you utilize pornography or sexual behavior, what you're doing in part is you are saying, I want your body, but I don't want all of you. And the point of that is it in many ways is just simply saying, I want what I want. I don't care how it harms you.
My wife and I have a couple of dogs. One of them, Zyon, is a big dog. And I was throwing sticks for him the other day to go chase in the water and get and bring back to me. He came back, and in order to get him to drop a stick, you have to have a stick in your hand that you're ready to throw, because otherwise he won't drop the stick because we didn't train them. And so, he comes back and he's standing next to me, and I'm getting ready to throw the stick. He decides that he wants the stick in my hand. So, he jumps up on me and he claws me on my side. And at the time, I'm just thinking, you know, whatever. And then when I go to shower later, it stings because he got me. Now, here's my point. Zion, my dog, was just being a dog. He just wanted what he wanted, and he wanted it when he wanted it. He doesn't control his appetites. But it hurt me. And that's what Paul's saying here. He's saying, don't take advantage of your brother or sister. When you look at pornography, you are utilizing somebody else, and they're being exploited for your good. When you sleep with somebody that you're not committed to, you are exploiting them for your good. And the idea here is he's saying that is taking advantage of them.
Then we see this idea that it harms you. At the end of verse six, it says this. “The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins.” Now, you might hear that and say, is that God saying on that great day, I'm keeping a tally and I'm going to punish you in the future? I think probably the idea here is he's saying the punishment is what we just talked about, how this turns back on yourself, and it makes you live differently. In fact, this is why he says in verse four, “that each of you should learn to control your own body.”
Now, the NIV here makes a doctoral translation again. I think they make a good one because the original says that you should control your own vessel. And it's led to some speculation about is this about your spouse? Is this about your own body? I think the NIV has done a good job here saying the idea is, he says, don't get driven by your lusts. Don't be like the pagans, those who don't know God. Live distinctly because God as the author of sex is giving you a gift, and if you use it in his context, then it will be good.
Now here's my guess, and that is that some of us hear all this. There are some reactions. I said them at the beginning. Some of us are sitting here right now and we're feeling shame and regret. And the message of Jesus Christ and the Gospel is that God loves to bring new beauty where we have brought sin. Forgiveness and restoration are part of what God does. Some of us are hearing this and we're saying, yeah, I get it. But right now, I'm feeling a little trapped. I'm married to somebody, and she's just not that interested. I'm married to somebody, and he just isn't that romantic. He seems to be on a cycle of stuff where I just can't stand him. I don't even want to be with him.
And so, the question in some ways is, what do you do if you're hurt and neglected? In a sense, the answer is understanding that marriage in the Bible is a picture. This is what Ephesians five says when Paul gives his instruction about marriage, and he says this is how marriage should work. He says I'm talking about a mystery. I'm talking about Christ in the church. And the reason this matters is because when marriage is good, when you feel known, when you feel loved, when you feel all of the best moments of marriage, it is but a taste of heaven. And when marriage is not good, when you feel isolated, when you feel defeated, then it is a reminder that your future is not only this life, but if you're a follower of Jesus, it's in the ultimate marriage. It's in the marriage with Jesus Christ.
Now, some people might say, well, you know, I've tried to control myself and I've failed. I've tried a lot of times, I've resolved, and I've set new standards. What is it that I can do? Well, one is you can just rehearse the cost and remember the vision of what it is that God puts in front of us. I mentioned Proverbs five through seven. If you are in a place of temptation, read those chapters over and over again. Let them become part of your way of thinking.
Maybe there's a call here to enlist help to simply say, I need somebody to ask me about this area of my life. Too many people journey alone in this area because there is a stigma around it. But what if we were the kind of church where there wasn't a stigma about bringing what we have into the light? Now, I'm not talking about walking up to somebody you don't know in the lobby and saying, hey, let me tell you what's going on. What I'm talking about is if you're in a group, if you're in one of our small groups, having real conversations about what's happening and asking some people to ask you so that you're not journeying alone.
Then maybe for some of us, it's an issue of setting up some fences. Again, if you read through Proverbs, you see this idea. And by fences, what I mean is, a perimeter where you're saying, I'm keeping some things away from me. Now fences have a limited ability. And what I mean by this is if you say, hey, I'm going to put a blocker on my browser or something. If you want to get around it or take it off, you can do it. So ultimately, you have to find an internal motivation, not just an external motivation, but sometimes a fence just makes you take an extra step, and it's worth the extra step.
One of the people who probably most famously had a fence is Mike Pence in recent days where he would never be alone with a woman in any context. Some people have ridiculed that and said, oh, you know, what is that about? But you know what's true about Mike Pence, is he's not been accused of anything because he had fences. But ultimately what I really think this is about is tending to your own well. Especially if you're married. Again, Proverbs chapter five, verse fifteen, says it this way. “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.” Verse nineteen says, “A loving doe, a graceful deer... and I won't read it all, may she satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated by her love.” I mean, this is in the Bible. And the idea here is don't simply go through your life saying, I'm setting up fences, but make your own marriage, your own future marriage, your singleness, so satisfying that you don't feel compelled for all of these other things. This is what Thomas Chalmers used to write about and say this is the expulsive power of a new affection. It's not simply saying don't, but it's saying there's something better, something greater.
A while back, my wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. On the occasion, I just sat down and jotted some notes about 25 years. Not really my 25 years per say, but broadly about being married for a long time. Here's just a few of the things that I thought. First, who you marry is one of the most defining choices of your life so take time and marry well. And then I said, thankfully I did, although I'm not convinced it was because of my own wisdom. Secondly, I said, marry without an escape clause. No way out will force you to work at it. Three, forgiveness is an essential skill for a healthy marriage. Practice quick forgiveness and keeping short accounts. Four, communication is not as easy as newlyweds think. But when worked out, it can be and is an essential skill for a healthy marriage. Most people need some help learning to communicate. Five, don't be afraid or too cheap to get counseling when you struggle. Six, keep finding time to date each other, love well, and have fun together. Remember why you fell in love as often as possible. Seven, don't let kids dominate your marriage. Marriage is the foundation of your parenting.
Eight, find connection points each day. Find a way to have a genuine moment so that your marriage doesn't degenerate into a business partnership. Nine, grow together. Make spiritual growth a part of your life together. Read books to discuss great ideas. Ten, serve together. Do something that will put you in a place to work together for something that matters besides your own house and life. Eleven, take criticism and correction from your spouse. There will be no one who wants you to succeed as much as your spouse. So, don't shut out his or her words of correction or challenge. I'll skip the next one. Thirteen, never give up resolving an issue or creating intimacy. You will be tempted to go through the motions, but you need to stay engaged. And then I just said this at the end, give the benefit of the doubt all the time. This creates goodwill. Assume the best, not the worst.
For me, that's just one way of thinking about this idea of saying, how do you tend to the well that God has given you? And there's a lot of ways you could say that or think about it. But too many times what people do is they get frustrated with where they are. And then they say this looks better, and they allow themselves to go down a path and get non-sanctified, set apart for what God has. So, that's the first part verses three through eight.
Now, the second part is selfless love verses nine through twelve, and we've already seen that selflessness shows itself in how we treat people sexually. Then in verses nine through twelve, we see this. It says, “Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.” And these are two different Greek words for love, by the way. The first one is the word Philadelphia, which is the word for brotherly love. The second word is the word agape, which is often thought of as being more divine love. And what he says is that I want you to do this more and more. And then he tells you how. And it's a little bit surprising. And it's surprising because here's what he says at the end of verse ten. “We urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life.”
Now, what is that about? An ambition to live quietly. Why is that part of love? I saw one person who wrote about this and said, this phrase means make it your ambitious to be unambitious. That doesn't sound like love necessarily, unless it's our ambition that often destroys relationships. Second thing, he says, mind your own business. And then third, work with your hands. And the likely scenario here is that the people, and we'll see this in chapter five, some of them were so convinced that the parousia was coming, Jesus was coming, that they stopped working, and they became a burden to others in the church. And he says, here's how you're going to love one another. You're not going to be ambitious, but instead you're going to work with your hands. You're going to mind your own business. You're not going to get up in everybody else's business, basically. And then he tells us why in verse twelve. “So that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.”
So, what is he saying? He's saying I want you to live your life in such a way that you're not dependent on people, but other people can see God in your life. Maybe an application today is, especially if you're young and just starting in your life, is to say, I don't just choose my career based on what the biggest salary number is, but I choose it based on how I can bring good to the world around me. Because in that, what you're doing is you're not being ambitious, you're minding your own business and working with your hands so that people can see who God is through you.
You know, in many ways, life is really long and it's really short. But how would you live differently if you knew that your life wasn't going to go on for a long time from where you are? You see, the people in Thessalonica were living with a sense of urgency. And when Paul writes, he says set yourself apart, don't live by the culture's values sexually, and be selfless in your love. Don't live by the culture's values of selfishness. And where this comes from ultimately is a belief that Jesus Christ is coming, and he knows and has given you good gifts. And so, you say, I can say I'll live that way.
You know, in a way it's a little bit like this. If you were to think about boarding a cruise ship, I've never been on one, but if you’ve ever gone on a cruise ship and you said, okay, I know I have a have a week on the cruise ship, probably what you wouldn't do is decide to renovate the cabin that you're staying in because that would be goofy. What you would do is you would say this is temporary. I'm going to enjoy this moment. I'm going to be part of what's good here, but I'm about what's beyond. And that's the idea of living this day for that day. Living with purity, sanctification, and holiness this day for that day.
Tim and Kathy Keller wrote this. And this comes back to maybe our desire for intimacy again. Here's what they said. “To be loved, but not known, is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” Remember a few minutes ago when I said that the best of marriage is a taste of divine love, it's being known and being loved. And the message of Jesus Christ is ultimately that you are called to be his bride, and he's the bridegroom who says, I love you completely through what Jesus does on the cross so that you can say I'm loved and known, and therefore I can live separated from the culture that I'm in. So, live this day to please God in sanctification and purity. That's the message of First Thessalonians four.
God, we come to you today, and I would guess that for some of us this is painful because either through our choices or choices of those around us, there are some scars. And God, I pray for grace in that situation. God, for some of us, I pray that there would be conviction today that would call for some change in how we live our lives. And God, I know for some there's maybe a sense of this that seems odd. And yet, I ask that there would be a sense of winsomeness of saying there is a better way than simply treating our sexuality as an appetite, and that treating it as a divine gift is a more beautiful approach to something that is important to all of us in one way or another. And God, I pray that we would be people who would learn to love more and more as we see the day approaching. We pray all of this in the name of Jesus. Amen.