Christian Single

A few years back, a friend of mine who had recently graduated from college was going through the process of finding a new church home in the city to which she had recently moved. She was hoping to connect in Christian community and make friends with similar values.

In meeting a ministry leader from one of the churches she visited for coffee, the leader shared with my friend about the many opportunities for her to get involved in the church. However, as they spoke, my friend sensed that the leader believed her primary interest in looking to connect was to meet a guy, rather than simply take part in the life of the community. This was not the case for my friend. The conversation was off-putting and led her to continue in her search for a church.

Proverbs 18:12 says that, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” To desire a spouse is a noble thing. There is certainly nothing wrong with that desire and many benefits can come along with the gift from God that a godly spouse can be! By no means do I want to discount the desire of anyone who is hopeful to “find what is good”…

That said, I do not think my friend is alone in her experience.

The perspective many single adults encounter in the church is often more representative of the values of culture than the teachings of scripture and that can be a frustrating and even discouraging thing.

The dominant attitudes of our culture about what it is like to be a single adult tend to fall on two opposite poles. First, the attitude of romanticism leads some to adopt the mindset that a person is incomplete until they find “the one.” This attitude holds some to believe that a person cannot live a fulfilled life until they have found “their person.”

However, a prominent opposing viewpoint is found in the self-satisfaction mindset that many identify with readily in our individualistic culture. This is the mindset that being single is “the good life.” Why would a person want to tie herself down by getting married? Marriage only limits your freedom to live as you want and seek the satisfaction you desire – whether in work, relationships, or free time…

So how do the teachings of the Bible come to bear on this conversation?

Romans 8:1 reads, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

The Apostle Paul refers here to the idea of “union of with Christ” - the theological concept that all who trust Jesus as their Savior from sin and Sovereign over their life are united to Him in a personal way. Anyone who believes is not vaguely associated with Jesus like a Facebook fan. We are in Him and He is in us. Our union with Christ that defines us at the most inner part of who we are.

Quite interestingly, the Bible uses marriage – the most intimate of all human relationships – as an example that only scratches the surface of the loving union that every believer has with God through faith in Jesus Christ. It is a person’s relationship status with God that makes us “complete.” Even the most beautiful human marriage is only a shadow of the perfect, eternal love of God that is shared in by faith with all who are united to Christ.

And likewise, the Good News of the Christian faith is that in God’s great love for us, He has not left us on our own to seek ultimate satisfaction in places where it will never be found. Jesus is able to fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts in a way that lasts. (John 6:35)

Until we are satisfied in Him, our human relationships will always leave us yearning for something more.

So, let us take of God’s word to heart - Marriage is absolutely a gift from God. To desire a spouse is to yearn for something good. For those who wait in that desire, waiting can be difficult. We can all take heart in knowing that our heavenly knows just what we need and will provide according to his perfect timing and wisdom. (Matthew 6:31-34)

However, let us always remember that it is our relationship with God that makes us who we are and let us always value the significance of Jesus’ work on our behalf above all else. Let us remember that ourselves and let us remember that in the way we treat one another.

It is in relationship with Christ that we find true completion as people and a satisfaction that can never be taken away.