Fear of Missing Out - Part 4
Message Description
Dr. Kurt Bjorklund concludes the FOMO message series teaching from the New Testament book of Romans shedding light on believer's misrepresentation of the church and the gospel when we encounter others whose decisions may not exactly match our own.
Message Transcript
Welcome. Hey, it's great to be together in all of the locations for Orchard Hill, all the services, the Chapel, Butler, Strip District, Wexford.
And today, we're going to conclude the series that we began right at Easter about fear. And when I was planning and laying out the teaching schedule for the year, I wanted to do something around fear, because I feel like fear has been such a big part of our experience in the last year as a nation and as people.
And so, in my mind I thought through some of the fears and how the kingdom of God answers our fear. And what I know, is that all of us live with some degree of fear. Maybe fear that we won't be healthy, fear that we won't have enough resource, or fear that somebody we love won't love us back. Maybe a fear that things will go from bad to worse in some environment in which we live.
And what I tried to do was take this idea of the kingdom and say, "How does the kingdom address our fear?" And one of the fears that I believe many of us have, if we're really honest, but doesn't probably rise to the top of our list, in other words, when I mentioned fear very few of us go, "Oh, this is my top fear."
But one of the fears that I'm guessing many of us have, is that if we embrace the idea of the kingdom of God, in other words, if we say, "I'm going to make God my priority in life, not myself, that I won't be happy. That somehow my life won't work out the way that I want it to work out."
And so, I was thinking about this, and I came and chose Romans 14 verse 17 to use as a way to address this. And verse 17 of Romans 14 says this. It says, "The kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the holy spirit."
And my original idea was just simply to say, "Okay, the kingdom of God isn't about eating and drinking, it's not about the experiences that we have, it's not about the rules that we keep, but it's about righteousness, it's about peace, it's about joy." I thought, "That's a nice three-point message. Righteousness, peace, joy and everything else."
But then as I started looking at this a little more, and remembering the context of Romans 14, I realized that this verse speaks much more pointedly to probably where we are today, than I even realized. And I say this because the context is about food sacrifice to idols. Now, I realize that as soon as I say this in our context that's a yawn line. Food sacrifice to idols, that's detail bible study. Who cares a whole lot?
But food sacrifice to idols was a big deal to the first century church, because what happened was, there would be food that people would have sacrificed to idols and then people would take that food and some people would eat it, because it would be like discounted and you could get better food, better meat if you took the food that had already been sacrificed to idols, than if you went and had a ram slaughtered.
It was like the T.J. MAXX of supermarkets. Okay? You could get something at a deal and so, some people said, "This is great." And other people said, "That's ridiculous, if you eat food sacrificed to idols, you're doing something wrong. You are full of sinful behavior."
And again, I realize some of us may say, "Well, what does this have to do with us? And why do you say this speaks to us today?" Well, we live in a time in which so many people in our country on a whole have taken their perspective, their ideas and elevated them to such a level that they say, "I can't be in relationship with, I can't deal with people who see the world differently."
You know what I'm talking about in this? Because you've probably experienced this in some way, shape, or form. It used to be that people would use this line. They would say, "We'll just have to agree to disagree, but we can still get along." Now, if you disagree with a lot of people, they'll see you as dangerous, because you hold a view that they don't hold and they'll say, "You can no longer be seen as somebody who can be taken seriously, because you don't agree with a certain way of seeing things."
And what happened in the first century, was people were doing this around meat sacrifice to idols. And here's what's different about the first century than our century. In our day and age in the church, if you disagree or get your feelings hurt, or don't like what somebody says what you do, is you just say, "Well, there's another 50 churches around the area. I can choose a different church really easily."
In the first century there was one church in a city. There was the church at Philippi. The church at Ephesus, so if you didn't get along with somebody at the church at Ephesus, you had to travel a long way to go to a different church. You didn't just say, "Oh well. I'm just sick of those people. I don't like their take anymore. Those people do meat sacrifice to idols, I don't." You just didn't do that.
And so, you had to relate to one another. And in a sense, although I think there are good times to leave a church, appropriate times, I would say this. And that is, I believe that we actually grow more when we're willing to work through differences than we do when we simply say, "I don't want to deal with you if I disagree with you."
And I would offer as evidence of this, the way that college roommates shape our lives. Any of you have a college roommate that you look back to, and if you're honest say, "That person actually helped prepare me for marriage?" I know I do.
I look back and say, I mean, it's a funny thing to say, but there were a few guys that I lived with that told me what a jerk I was being on a repeated basis, but stayed in relationship with me, that actually, my wife should rise up and call those guys blessed today, because there were good things that came from that.
And a church is intended to be more like a family, not that there's never a time to sever a relationship with a family. There are times to say, "I'm going to walk away from a destructive person or a destructive pattern." But when we're committed to staying in a relationship sometimes it will form us and grow us in ways that nothing else can.
And so, in this context we receive two instructions around how to get along with people. Now, you may say, "What does this have to do with my happiness?" We'll get there. Here's the first instruction. And that is, we're told to accept those who express themselves differently than we do.
Now, again, this is in the context of the church, New Testament church. Romans 14. This is in verses one through 12 and it says it, just very clearly right off the start. Verse one, "Accept the one whose faith is weak without quarreling over disputable matters."
It says, "I want you to accept the one who's weak without quarreling over disputable matters." Certainly, when you hear the word weak, we're tempted to take that as an insult, to say, "Well, who's weak?" But I think the context here wasn't to say weak means somebody who wasn't strong like you, but it means that their faith didn't allow them to eat meat. Therefore, they were seen as weak and I think in our day and age you can use that phrase in a pejorative way, but I don't think it was intended to be that.
But here's the issue. The disputable matters versus what is a conviction. There was a movie years ago called Field of Dreams and in it was Kevin Costner, who played the guy who was trying to build this field, and he makes this impassioned speech about all the things he believes.
And here's just a few of them. He says, "I believe in the soul. The small of a woman's back. The hanging curve ball. High fiber. And a good scotch. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf in the designated hitter. I believe in opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve."
And he goes on and lists several other things, but the reason I read that is, what he was doing, is he was saying, "I believe, and these are my preferences." And he states them as this conviction and here's what happens sometimes in this area. And that is, there are things that should be ironclad convictions. Things that you say, "This is not a disputable matter."
But sometimes what we do, is we take things that are disputable like eating meat sacrificed to idols, where the bible isn't 100% clear and we say, "But I, by my logic, and my inference, and my prayer have come to this conclusion. Therefore, everyone else should believe exactly what I believe."
And what happens when we do that, is then we end up in a place where we're at odds with one another, and instead of having an atmosphere that God wants us to have within the church, we end up with something very different.
Now, the easy example from years past, and is still applicable, is that one person of faith may say, "Well, I can watch something that other people may say my preference tells me I can't. My understanding tells me I can't." And there used to be this, when I was younger, this line like, "Okay, will you watch something?" And it seems like the line just keeps moving for people, but my point is, the bible's very clear about a principle which is, that your mind should think on the things that are pure, and holy, and noble.
And so, one person may apply that by saying, "I can't watch a movie with a lot of violence or a lot of sexual innuendo, or a lot of double crossing or language." And somebody else may say, "You know what? I can." And that is a disputable matter, because the bible doesn't say, "Thou shalt not watch an R rated movie that has sexual content."
Although, if you never ask the question, you would say, "Okay, that's an issue." Now, in our day that's still an issue, but we could easily start to talk about things like the vaccine and masks. We could talk about race. See, the bible has something to say, in terms of general direction, but it doesn't say you should, or you should not get a vaccine when a global pandemic comes on the scene in the year 2020 and 2021.
And so, what happens is, sometimes people will say, "Okay. I, by my inference say that all people should get a vaccine, because it's safe for everybody else. Therefore, anyone who doesn't get a vaccine isn't being Christian." And somebody else will say something quite the opposite. Do you see what I'm driving at here?
When it comes to race the bible is clear, "All people are created in the image of God. All people are valuable to God, should be treated as equals." But how you live that out, there are a lot of different ideas, in terms of the implications.
The bible, I believe, is clear on the issue of transgenderism. It says in the beginning that God created what? Male and female. In other words, it's not really an open debate, if you take your bible seriously. However, some people hear that, and they say, "Therefore, I'm not going to use somebody's preferred gender pronoun, because I'm giving credence to what it is that they think they are, when I don't believe that they are."
And somebody else will say, "I can use a gender preferred pronoun, because that's a way of showing hospitality and welcoming somebody else." And the bible doesn't say when people start to believe that they're a different gender than what they're born, that you should do X or Y. Do you see my point? It's a disputable matter, even though there's a conviction that underlies it.
We could talk about modesty. In second Timothy chapter two verse nine and 10 we're told that a woman should dress in modesty. Okay? That's a biblical non-negotiable. I mean, we don't talk about that a lot in any context anymore, because it's a hot button issue, but here's the thing. Different people define modesty very differently.
One person will say, "Well, modesty means never showing that you have long hair." You go into an Eastern culture and people will wear head coverings and huge gowns, and they'll say, "That's modesty." In America that's not really considered modesty.
But there's a principle, but there's all kinds of applications for how we go about saying, "This is how this lives." Now, the reason that I take a few moments to point this out, is because here's what it says, "Accept the one who's weak in faith without quarreling over disputable matters."
Now, again, this is about food sacrifice to idols, but it's a fair thing to say, "What are the disputable matters today?" So, "Accept somebody who expresses themself differently in disputable matters." And then it says this, "One person's faith allows them to eat, but another person's faith is weak, and they eat only vegetables." I'm not sure that, that's an anti-vegetarian statement, but it's there.
That was humor. Thought we needed to break the tension there a little. All right. Verse three, "The one who eats everything." Listen to this, "Must not treat with contempt the one who does not. And the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does." Two things about accepting. Don't treat people with contempt. In other words, say, "How could you? You're an idiot. You're a fool." And don't judge. That's what this text says to do.
Because, when we do that what we're doing, is we are deciding somebody's fate. And notice what it says next. It says, "And the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does." And then it says this, "For God has accepted them." See, this is what's hard for us.
When we decide about something and we say, "Well, I believe that this is the biblical absolute, and then I believe this and this as a result of it." Which is a legitimate good thing to do. Then what we start to do is say, "Well, but if you don't see it the way I see it, then I'm going to treat you with a little bit of contempt, I'm going to judge you."
But the text says, "But it's God who has already accepted that person." It's a little bit like this. We have two dogs. My wife loves a rescue and so, we have two dog rescues. And a while ago we put in one of these electric fences that borders the yard, so we could let them out and let them run a little bit, and then they would come back in.
And our bigger dog, Zion, who's this big oaf of a dog. He's half boxer, half lab. Most gentle dog. You sit down next to him, he'll put his paw on you like he wants to hug you, he does that with dogs, loves dogs. All about all the other dogs.
And then we got this little dog, this little lab and beagle mix. This little female dog, who's his little buddy and they hang out. And all of a sudden, what happened was, my dog, my big dog who would just greet anybody and love anybody, now he goes to the edge of his property, right to the edge of where he gets the shock collar and he'll bark like a crazy dog at any dog that goes by.
I mean, it's like he's the meanest dog around, because he's trying, in our mind, to protect this little dog like, "I'm the big dog and you're not going to come in my property, and all of this." And here's why that image speaks to me. Here's what I think has happened with disputable matters.
People have started to think that they're defending God or truth to such an extent, not that there's not truth in what they say, not that we shouldn't debate those things, because they're disputable, not that we shouldn't have the conversation. In fact, the church should be a place where we can have civil conversation about disagreements while saying we agree on what's convicting, but what's happened is, we've become like my dog who's barking at everybody else telling them everything that's wrong with them, about everything that they believe.
And this is just a mirror of what's going on in culture and it's started to happen in the church. And what's happened is, now when people in the culture look at the church they say, "What's different about the church? The church looks just like everything else I see." Because oftentimes what happens is, we say, "I'm going to elevate my idea of how something works. And it might be a legitimate and good idea, but I'm going to elevate it and therefore, treat people with contempt and judge them."
And then here's the second instruction. And that is, we're called to regulate our behavior for the good of others. And this is in all of chapter 14, but especially verses 13 and following we see this. It says, "Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put a stumbling block or obstacle in the way of your brother or sister."
Verse 15, "If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not, by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died." Verse 19, "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble."
"It is better not to eat meat or drink wine, or anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall." And then verse 22, "So, whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves."
And so, this is telling us that if you have faith in an issue and you believe that you understand what is right before God, that you can still regulate your behavior for the good of somebody who sees the world differently.
Now, that is challenging for us. By the way, if somebody tells you that they're the weaker brother, they probably are not. If they know enough to argue this passage and say, "You should do something, because I'm the weaker brother and you're causing me to stumble." Chances are they're manipulating you. Okay?
In other words, the idea here is, somebody who stumbles doesn't know that they're about to stumble. That's what is going on here and there's some questions that should help us to decide how we go about choosing what we can do or not do.
And the questions are these. Verses one through five, verses 22 through 23. Am I fully convinced? And he uses this very phrase at the end of verse five. He says, "Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind." In other words, if I'm trying to decide if something is right before God or not right, I should be fully convinced. I should say, "I have thought about it, I have looked at it, I've reasoned it, and I've come to this conclusion." Not just, "I'm doing it because I think it feels okay."
And then secondly, "Am I doing this as unto the Lord?" Verses six through nine, "Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God. And whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God."
And the idea is, that whatever it is that you come to a conviction about, you should say, "This is something that I am fully persuaded about, and I'm doing it as unto the Lord." But then the third question. Verses 13 through 21. I just read part of this, is, "Am I causing somebody to stumble?"
Now, again, there's a difference between somebody who stumbles and somebody who takes offense. Somebody who takes offense is not somebody that we necessarily have to say, "Okay, I need to bend my knee to that person." But we are to ask the question, "Am I doing something that is going to cause somebody to stumble?"
And what's challenging in this text, is it actually tells us two different things that seem opposite. Verse 16 says, "Therefore, do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil." In other words, if you come to the conviction that eating food or not eating food offered to idols is good, don't let somebody else speak evil of it. Okay?
There's a time when somebody's offended, to say, "No, no, no. I've got a different take and I'm going to tell you about it." But then, in verse 22 it says this, "So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God."
Almost like it's telling us to keep it a secret, which is it? And usually, at least my belief is, when the bible appears to say two things that are almost opposite in the same passage, what it's calling us to do is to understand that we need discernment.
In other words, there's a time when somebody will come along and they'll say, "Oh, I have this idea." And they're just being way down the line on something, and you can say verse 16, "I'm not going to let what I know is right be spoken of as evil."
But at the same time, there's a time to say, "If this person's really going to stumble because of my understanding, then I can step back and say I can have this understanding and not even say anything to them about what it is that I believe or what it is that I practice."
And when we are dealing with lifestyle issues, which is what this is, the bible gives us these principles and then it gives us a lot of room to make decisions. But the principle is, to accept somebody who expresses themself differently, and to regulate our behavior for the good of other people.
When my kids were a little younger one of the things that my wife and I would do, is we would devote some whole days just to their happiness. It started with, "Let's go to Moraine Park or something and sit at the beach." Or, then it was, "Let's go to Kennywood." And at one point my 11-year-old, oldest son said, "Dad, can you take us to Disney before all the magic is gone?"
And he had me. And so, I packed the family in the family minivan, drove the 15 hours to Orlando, we did Disney. I told them it was the one and only time. There would never be a grandpa day at Disney. This was it for me. But the whole trip was about putting aside my preferences. I mean, there is literally, I don't think anywhere on earth that I would rather not be than Disney World, because what do you do in Disney World?
I mean, you wait in long lines, you pay big money for..., Anyway. I digress. But my point is this. Why did I do it? Because I loved my kids and I wanted to do something that was their preference. That's what it is to say, "I'm going to regulate my behavior for the good of others." I'm going to say there are times, instead of elevating my way of seeing things and saying, "I've got to be like the barking dog that says I'm defending my turf. Instead, "How can I create the day where people feel loved?"
Back to Romans 14:17. The verse we started with. It says this, "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking." Okay? And it's not just about experiences. It's saying, "You're going to have a tendency to say the kingdom of God is about getting everything right."
But he says here, "The kingdom of God isn't a matter of getting everything right, but it's a matter of." What does he say? "Righteousness." What are the convictions that come from the revealed word of God, where the bible is clear saying, "I'm going to have those things as ironclad in my life." It's about peace.
Peace is used three ways in the bible. It's used for peace with God, peace with yourself, and peace with one another. I believe here it's talking about peace with one another, so the kingdom of God is about righteousness, saying, "I have a conviction about what's right. It's about living in peace with people."
And then it says, "It's about joy in the holy spirit." Do you think that today people of faith are known as the most joyful people on earth? Are you known in your circle of friends as one of the most joyful people? Because, the kingdom of God is not, according to Paul, it's not about saying, "I have the exact way to think about food sacrifice to idols nailed." But it's about righteousness, it's about peace, and it's about joy. It's about having a disposition of fun.
And here's why this matters. The church should be different than what we experience in the rest of the world. It can be different, because the church is the place where we have a conviction bound by who Jesus Christ is and what he's done that says, "Even if we have some differences, we don't have to be like the dog barking saying you can't come in here, if you don't agree with everything that I do."
But far too often what happens is, we approach church like we approach the podcast echo chamber. You know what the podcast echo chamber is? It's where we say, "I want to listen to somebody who I agree with." And so, what we want when we come to church, is we want somebody or some people around us to tell us that we're okay and that the way that we do life is good.
But what should happen in the church, is that we should actually be challenged from time to time, to see things differently. We should actually have a shared conviction about the things that are clearly revealed, and then as we're working out the implications we should be constantly being sharpened by other people.
This is the whole idea of, in Proverbs where iron sharpens iron. That together we become better than we are alone, and our validation here doesn't have to come from people thinking like us, because we already have a validation. Verse eight and nine, nine and 10 says this, "If we live, we live for the Lord. And if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason Christ died and returned to life, so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living."
Now, why is that here in the middle of this passage? Because, what Paul is saying, is that it's the death and the resurrection of Jesus Christ that is what gives the church its distinction. Some of us are here today and for us, maybe church isn't that big of a deal. We're like, "I can take church or leave it."
But part of the reason you feel that way, is because your perception of church has been clouded by how much culture has invaded our church globally. Not necessarily Orchard Hill. Although, Orchard Hill in part, in terms of just being this place where people elevate preferences and divide, when what the church is called to be, is a place where people sublimate their preferences and unite around something better.
I've been in church leadership for a long time, and I can honestly say I don't think there has been a year in church leadership that has been similar to this last year. I've never had as many conversations with as many amped up people who are ready to be distraught with everybody else, as I've had this year.
And what that tells me, is that we're afraid somehow that if we accept anything that's different, that somehow, we're settling. But what Paul is talking about here, is not compromising any absolutes or any of the things that are germane to the message of scripture but saying be careful that we don't elevate our preferences to such a degree. That we don't create the atmosphere where people can experience righteousness, peace, and joy.
See, the reason Christians can be the most joyful people, is because we have the greatest message. And that is, "I don't have to have everything right, there's one who had it right, on my behalf. Therefore, I can live knowing that there are times that I'm going to make mistakes, I'm going to blow it, and that's the beauty of the gospel message."
As we move forward as a church, I realize that we're in an interesting space, in terms of people saying, "Well, if I come, I want to come to a place where there's no masks required and no social distancing." And I totally get that. And we'll probably, at some point in the not-too-distant future have some options for those who have been vaccinated, had the virus, have had it with the virus, kind of a thing.
But we may still have some options for those who say, "You know what? I'm getting the vaccine and I still don't feel like I should be anywhere in a large group without people who are all masked." And why do we do that? Because this is a chance to say, "We don't have to elevate one way." But we can instead say, "There is a chance here for growth and maturity." To say, "There are differences, even among people who look at things and say how can we do life together?"
And a year or two years from now this won't be about masks or vaccines, this will be about something new, but at the heart of this will always be that Christian maturity, that gospel living says, "How can I accept somebody who's different and regulate my behavior for their good, rather than being about me?"
And if we don't do that, then what we do, is we just get upset and we either just stew, and gripe and moan about it, maybe we go down the road to the second church of Philippi or Ephesus, or the third church, and then the fourth church, and the fifth church.
Or we say, "God wants there to be a place that's an oasis from the acrimony of our world and I want to be a part of creating that." And that's church. Hopefully, this church. God, thank you that your word calls us to something that's different and better than our world calls us to.
And God, I pray that you would help me, help each person here to reflect your gospel, your truth and that in that we would experience this idea of being able to accept people who express themselves differently.
God, I pray that you would help those of us who right now are fearing that if we bend our knee to your kingdom, it means that our world won't be joyful or happy. And that we would see that our greatest joy is not in having things our way or in preserving what we think is the best way, but it's in embracing your kingdom fully. And we pray this in Jesus's name. Amen.
