Speaking the Truth in Love
“Stay in your own lane, you %@#*ing idiot!” yells the Christian husband, all riled up with road rage.
“I’m glad Jesus doesn’t call us a freaking idiot! Let’s consider the grace that He’s given to us and extend a little portion of it to that driver, my love” responds the Christian wife, in a rare but fine moment of speaking the truth in love.
The truth is every human being since Adam and Eve is guilty of figuratively swerving out of our lanes beyond the parameters that God has set for us, and our sins have eternal consequences. The most loving thing we can do for one another is to speak truth from God’s Word to ourselves and each another.
When faced with the confrontation of our own sin, we have a choice. Will we admit when we are out of line and turn back in repentance to follow God’s better way of living, or will we reject His salvation and continue racing down the destructive path? Perhaps the decision hinges on how truth is received through love from our sojourners along the way.
“Speaking the truth in love” is a phrase commonly heard in Christian circles, yet some people question who, why, and what does this mean? In his letter to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul is specifically speaking to Christians when he commands them to lovingly speak truth to their fellow church members. This particular directive is to Believers for the purpose of confronting sin in order to build up their community.
So why does this matter and what might speaking truth in love look like in a post-truth world where truth has become relative?
Are we more concerned with appealing to people’s emotions rather than their intellect, or being friends with the world rather than remaining true to the teachings of the Bible? Does the desire to be right supersede our concern about the spiritual welfare of others? James 5:19-20 says: “My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”
If we believe what Jesus says about truth in His prayer to our Heavenly Father for His disciples in John 17:17, then we can be changed (“sanctified”) by His Word because His Word is truth! Additionally, “this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” (1 John 3:16) Speaking truth in love is possible because of who Christ is and what He has done for us!
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” - Ephesians 4:15-16 (NIV)
Our first step in following this instruction from Ephesians 4:15 is to speak truth from God’s Word to ourselves, daily, hourly, minute-by-minute. When we read the Bible, we might realize in light of God’s character that we have sinned and fallen short, which leads us to repentance and forgiveness. Undoubtably, this daily truth-telling to ourselves will transform us to be more like Jesus. In order to share truth with our family and closest friends, we must first speak truth to our own hearts.
Since it is the delight of our Heavenly Father for His followers to be changed by the truth from His Word, Paul directs the members of the church in Ephesians 4:15 to speak the truth in love to one another with the intention of growing up the body of Christ from infancy to maturity.
As believers, we are instructed to build each other up, and our words matter in tone and emphasis and content. We must earn the right to speak truth in love by building relationships first, in our families, among our closest friends, and in small groups.
I think we need to be in the practice of sharing truth every day with our family and friends, so that when they see us coming, they are not dreading a rebuke. Instead, they’ve come to expect some truth from us given in a loving way. Then, when there’s an opportunity to share a truth that may not be agreed-upon from one person to another, we must remember that posture matters.
Lovingly speaking the truth in love looks like side-by-side conversations, when both Believers are seeking truth together in a situation, instead of face-to-face confrontation or an impartation of information from one person to another. Consider asking questions like “help me understand why this is important to you?” or “what led you to think or behave this way?” to open a conversation that will build up the Believer from infancy to adulthood in their faith.
In my experiences with having truth filled conversations with people, we’ve been walking on a trail together or riding in a car, and in these parallel positions we are best able to seek truth together. Sometimes this conversation leads to a side-by-side search in the Scriptures to see what God’s truth is for both of us in that situation. Shoulder-to-shoulder, we get to grow in God’s love and truth together.
Speaking the truth in love to our family members, friends, and closest church members takes patience and complete trust in the Lord with the outcomes.
Paul challenged the Thessalonian Christians to “warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak” and ultimately, “be patient with everyone.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14)
As He convicts us and changes us by His Word, He may prompt us to share what we’ve learned about Him with someone in our circle. We need to prayerfully consider who, when, and how to share this truth in love.
I’m not going to approach someone who is wearing a halter top with mini skirt to church and quote scripture about modesty because I don’t know her and she doesn’t know me, and that is not speaking truth in love. On the other hand, if someone on the worship team is wearing a see-through blouse, it would be very loving to tell her the truth for her sake, and for the sake of everyone gathered to fulfill Paul’s instructions to build up the church.
Ultimately, we speak the truth in love when we care enough to speak the gospel into the lives of those around us. This is God’s everyday calling for every Christian! I leave you with 3 guidelines for speaking the truth in love:
Listen before you speak and ask truth-seeking questions.
Pray before, after, and during the conversation.
Trust in God and in the truth of His Word.
